We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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