The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
