There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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