Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
only if we run a train.
done.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
