That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
