i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
