Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
