Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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