Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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