I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
