At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
please don't ironically join a cult
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