I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize