you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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