Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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