i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize