y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize