Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
