I like my sex mixed with concussions.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
