i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
