my being single is dangerous.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
