I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
