You can't special order awesome
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
