hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
