Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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