i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
