She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
