But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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