remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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