I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i barfeds in our rink
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
