My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
