We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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