Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
