I molested 6 butterflies tonight
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
