so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
