Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
