Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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