so that wasnt chicken after all
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
then he tried to convert me to islam
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
