I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
