I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
