I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
