I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
