At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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