you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
