i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
