what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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