I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
