I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
