I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize