Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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