so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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