i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize