the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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