Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
