He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
