I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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