saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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