Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
