my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
All the doctor said was why
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
