Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
