Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
