I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
