Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It's just like the Real World with babies
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
