everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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