i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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