Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
