Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize