Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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