I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
