A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
