If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
