the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
