does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
