you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
