Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
