nutella sex= disaster
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
