i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
