Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
