Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
