she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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