Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
