Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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