I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
