and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
