Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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