return my video game
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize