you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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