Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
