I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
