So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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