wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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