did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
