That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
